


awkward

by marscafe



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Confusion, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, idk how to tag im so sorry, its not steamy tho, they kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marscafe/pseuds/marscafe
Summary: "they really are awkward with each other"
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 7
Kudos: 156





	awkward

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on the comeback show where ateez played this game in which they had to guess if a member was able to do something idk how to explain it but one of the questions was "seonghwa and hongjoong who are awkward with each other will be able to hold eye contact for 10 seconds." 
> 
> the O and X parts of the floor stand for yes and no which should be simple enough. so for example with the question this is based off if yeosang was standing on X he didn't think seonghwa and hongjoong couldn't keep eyecontact you get me?
> 
> sorry that was long and i explained that very badly but i hope that helps you get a little bit of a better idea of what is happening if you didn't see aircon.

Hongjoong was exhausted.

They all were.

The car ride home was almost silent, no words exchanged other than a few praises from their managers for putting on a great show.

Once they pulled into the dorms parking lot and after a few protests from the members who had dozed off in the car, they walked into the house and carelessly chucked their shoes by the door. Even neat Seonghwa who was way too tired to scold them for being unorganised or messy, that could wait until the morning. A few "goodnight's" and "well done's" were exchanged among them before they each broke off into their rooms to go to sleep.

Well all of them except Hongjoong.

Yes, he was exhausted just like the rest of them but his head just wouldn't calm down.

He kept thinking of the show. What he did well, what he could've done better.

Seating himself down on the couch he let out a satisfied sigh at the feeling of finally sitting down. His brain ran through the night and his peaceful expression turned to a frown when he remembered one part of the night that didn't sit right with him.

_"Can Seonghwa and Hongjoong who are awkward with each other keep eye contact for 10 seconds without laughing."_

_All the members started laughing and making little comments. It was a common joke that the two oldest members were awkward with each other. So Hongjoong should easily go with the joke as he would back at home. Right?_

_He didn't think they were **that** awkward, surely they could keep eye contact with each other. They were teammates, friends after all. Walking towards the large O on the ground He looked up to see where everyone else was standing. _

_Almost all the younger members were on X which did not surprise him in the slightest but what did surprise him was Seonghwa also standing on the X. He thought that surely Seonghwa would've had some more faith in them._

_He must just be playing along with the joke. It's not that serious._

_"They really are awkward with each other"_

_"I saw him sleeping on the couch"_

_Hongjoong half listens as the younger members talk about his relationship with Seonghwa. He hears everyone giggling, including Seonghwa himself._

_They were only joking he knows that very well. But why could he do nothing but look down and smile patiently?_

_When they tested said theory he did his best to stay still and keep a straight face. Seonghwa leaned in and smiled to himself. Hongjoong pushed him back and kept his straight face trying to get the game finished._

_Despite Seonghwa smiling a little no one laughed so Hongjoong ended up winning which should've felt good proving the others wrong. But it didn't._

_Why did he feel unsettled?_

_That was unimportant it was just a silly game. He pushes any doubts to the back of his mind and continues as he was._

_It didn't come to mind again at all._

Hongjoong takes a deep breath in placing his head in his hands after running over the situation.

_"Why does this upset me so much?"_ he asks himself under his breath, flopping back down onto the couch and throwing his head back. 

Closing his eyes he thinks about Seonghwa. 

He thinks about how he called him "Hyung" for the longest time despite protests from the older who had to keep reminding Hongjoong that they were only a few months apart. 

He thinks about how Seonghwa takes care of everyone. He cleans the dorm daily without asking for help most of the time. He always prepares meals for the group without being asked to purely because that is his nature. Seonghwa is a carer, a protector, the motherly figure the group needs. 

He thinks about how they started opening up to each other and how they got comfortable with bits of skinship. Hongjoong was a reserved person, he wasn't fond of physical touch most of the time and as the leader of the group, he didn't want to be seen as weak.

He remembers the time that Seonghwa caught him crying in the bathroom in the middle of the night. Despite being asked what was wrong not even he knew the answer. But Seonghwa, sweet, caring, accepting Seonghwa just wiped his tears and offered him his bed to share for the night. Hongjoong was hesitant but seeing the reassuring and loving look in the olders eyes he gave in and just let himself be seen as vulnerable for the first time in his career. Seonghwa held him close with hands that were slightly shakey and whispered small phrases of affirmation. One in particular sticking with Hongjoong to this day. 

**_"Even the captain of a team needs a break sometimes. That does not make you any weaker."_ **

The next day it was as if it never happened. Seonghwa woke up before him and started breakfast for everyone. Hongjoong woke up later than everyone else that day joining them for breakfast in silence only stealing one glance at the older who was staring at his plate with an unreadable expression that seemed to stir something inside of Hongjoong. He shrugged it off after receiving a nudge to the arm from a concerned Mingi who dropped it once his response of a flat smile was received.

Hongjoong remembers how after this particular event he held himself back at the studio more using his lyrics as a way to let out the confusing feelings his brain started to develop about the older. This resulted in him coming home at such late hours that even the night owl members wouldn't be awake at. He didn't want to disturb his roommate, Seonghwa wasn't a very heavy sleeper and would definitely hear the younger as he climbed to his top bunk. If Seonghwa caught him he would get a lecture which he really did not want to listen to. 

So the couch became his new bed.

Well, it wasn't meant to be that way. It was only supposed to be that one time especially after he got a nasty scolding from Yunho who had found him in the morning. 

After a while no one stopped him sleeping on the couch. No one asked what was going on they just let him be because after all, it was just leader Hongjoong being reserved.

Maybe Seonghwa actually did feel awkward with him. 

Was this his fault? Did he push Seonghwa away too much? 

He was broken out of his thoughts when he heard someone enter the lounge

_"Joong? You're still awake."_ he turned and met eyes with Seonghwa. The older had clearly just woke up, his hair was sticking in all different directions, his eyes were barely open and his standing posture was very wobbly. 

_"Oh um yeah, I was just thinking. Why are you up?"_

_"Wanted to get a drink of water."_

_"Ah."_

The room fell silent once again Hongjoong not knowing what to say and Seonghwa looking like he wanted to say something really bad. 

_"Do you- do you maybe want to sleep in the bed tonight."_

The youngers eyes fell wide and Seonghwa panicked a little

_"You don't have to! I well- I mean it's been a while and uh your body is probably sore from um performing so maybe the uh bed would be more c- comfortable?"_

His brain was telling him to just stay where he was and sleep but something else longed for the feeling of being back in the safety of his warm bed. Being able to fall asleep to the sound of Seonghwa's steady breathing from the bunk beneath him. 

_"Yeah. Yes. I would like that if you don't mind."_

_"Joong...it's our room in case you forgot. You don't have to ask to sleep in your own bed."_

He couldn't respond to that with more than an embarrassed smile. Seonghwa sighed and started walking towards their room, a signal for him to get up and follow. 

No words were exchanged between the two when they entered the room.

Seonghwa crawled into his bed and turned to face the wall and for the first time in weeks, Hongjoong climbed up the ladder into his warm bed. His sheets smelt fresh and were so much softer than the blanket on the couch. 

He closed his eyes and did his best to get some sleep. But his mind tracked back to the person lying in the bed beneath him. There was no noise coming from below so he had assumed that he had fallen asleep until he heard rustling and a deep sigh. 

_"Hwa?"_

No response.

_"Um are you still up?'_

_"...Yes Joong. I'm awake."_

_"Ah okay."_

Silence again.

_"Joong do you need something."_

" _canyoucomeuptomybed?"_

_"Hey, you need to speak a little louder okay?_

Hongjoong sighs and before trying again a little louder.

_"Can you please come up to my bed?"_

That clearly was not what Seonghwa was expecting as a response judging by the small gasp he got in response. 

He was about to turn it back down and force himself to sleep alone when he heard the bed below creak followed by light footsteps up his ladder. 

Seonghwa looks at Hongjoong and then at the bed, uneasy. The younger takes this as a message to make some room. 

Once settled down next to Hongjoong, Seonghwa lays on his back facing the ceiling completely unsure of what he's supposed to do. 

_"Can you hold me...please."_

The older nods opening his arms for Hongjoong to fit inside. The embrace is warm and secure. It makes Hongjoong let out a long breath he didn't even know he was holding in. 

_"You know Joongie, I don't actually feel awkward around you."_

Seonghwa says, the sound muffled by Hongjoong's head. 

_"How-"_

_"You looked uneasy during the game we played tonight. I could basically hear the gears in your head going crazy."_

Tears start to fill Hongjoong's eyes. He feels ashamed, embarrassed, stupid. It was just a stupid game.

_"Let go Hongjoong, you are allowed to cry."_

So he does. His body begins to shake with sobs, his tears are soaking through the collar of Seonghwa's shirt which is probably pretty uncomfortable.

They stay this way for at least 10 minutes. Seonghwa is rubbing soothing circles into his back with one hand, the other carding through his hair and scratching his scalp ever so slightly.

Only after Hongjoong's tears have reduced to no more than sniffles and the occasional hiccup does Seonghwa speak. 

_"I've never thought of us as awkward. Unsure at times. But awkward? No. You are a strong person Joong and I just wish you would allow yourself to be taken care of sometimes."_

Hongjoong pulls away to read the older eyes before he continues. 

_"We worry about you as much as you worry about us. We all care so much about you. I care about you Hongjoong. I want nothing more than for you to be able to see how much I admire you fucking hell Joong you are so incredible and you don't ever let yourself see that. So many people love you, the fans, the boys. Fucking hell I love you, I just love you so much."_

Only after he finishes his rant with a huff does Seonghwa realise what he said. He meets the youngers shocked eyes and opens his mouth to protest but his mouth can't find the correct words. 

_"You love me? Like...love me?"_

Seonghwa sighs with a sad smile and lightly pinches Hongjoong's chin as he nods. 

_"I don't expect you to feel the same Joongie."_

_"No, I think I love you too."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Yeah. I think I really do.'"_

Seonghwa looks at peace.

Hongjoong moves from Seonghwa's side hesitating a little when he throws one leg over his lap to straddle the older and bury his face into his neck. 

_"Have you gone shy on me love? Come on let me see your face."_

Hongjoong whines partly from embarrassment and partly from the new nickname which he found himself enjoying. 

Seonghwa grabs the youngers chin very lightly between his fingers, angling his face up so that they could meet eyes. Hongjoong tries to look away at the pillow behind them or at the wall but Seonghwa follows his eyes with a smile. He ends up holding Hongjoongs face in between both of his hands caressing his cheeks ever so lightly and Hongjoong just melts into his touch. 

_"Joong?"_

_"hm?"_

_"Is it okay if I kiss you?"_

The small nod he gets from the flushed boy in his lap is all he needs to close the distance between them.

It's not rushed, it's not rough. The kiss they share is so gentle and full of love and adoration. Seonghwa holds onto the youngers face so so lightly as if Hongjoong were a thin piece of glass that could break at any given moment. They are slightly clumsy but the sincerity makes up for it all. 

And the feeling of Seonghwa smiling against him might just be the best reward. 

When they pull apart Hongjoong thinks Seonghwa has never been prettier. His smile is beaming, his lips are plump and glossy and his eyes are sparkling with the very little moonlight coming from outside the window. 

He doesn't trust himself to speak at this moment, afraid that Seonghwa may disappear and not come back to him so he lays himself onto the older chest leaving a kiss on his jaw as he moves down. Seonghwa runs a hand along his waist making his breathing slowly even out.

He is so close to sleeping.

But one question lingers in his mind.

_"Hwa, are you mine now."_

_"Hongjoong, I have always been yours."_

**Author's Note:**

> this was pretty sucky and i dont love the ending but uhhh i hope u enjoyed?


End file.
